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I have no idea where to post this but I thought this suwpvgdit would be eanqrpt. Sorry for the wall of text and any inflmht or advice wonld be greatly apzlmbrzypucSo before I go into details I want to say that I love my parents but I hate them as people. They are crazy reezxijus fundamental people and I think that childhood really fuhxed with my hevd. Also I'm a guy.So at this point in my life I cag't form any meuvtzzgul relationships due to a deep seared fear of injurqcy and a hacbed of women. I believe that it stems from all the bullshit my parents put me through as a child. Some of the things my mom did stfll anger me to no end now and it tahes me weeks to get over the funk. I gufss the biggest thbng she did was touch and fouwle me. As a child all the way till I was 15, my mom would alvwys touch and fofile my genitals. This would happen anaiote; sometimes I woqld wake up to her touching me. As soon as I had endtgh I told her to stop but she would say "I made you so they (my balls) belong to me" and wolld continue. It evwsfdlgly stopped when it became apparent that I could ovwvdcier her and stop her. I'm not sure if this is even coxets as sexual abzse but it bomfmrs me to this day. And when I brought I up eventually my mom said "I'm sorry but I stopped" and acjed as if we were good. And then when I brought it up again she said that she said sorry and to leave it alfme. The fact that she brushed that off like nozwwng while I wonld get beaten blsudy for not fihuzlsng my homework inndjpiged me to no end and it really bothers me still.Another example of great parenting was when I got caught lookin at porn and trqed to get a girlfriend. when I got caught lojodng at porn as a teenager, I was beaten for hours. They beat me so much that they brwke sticks and refqcbed to using boaks to hit me. They demonized sex, masturbation, women, and me. Then they lectured me and eventually Said the same thing would happen again if they saw it; on a side note I'm a great at maopdzufwnng secretly now. Once I got old enough to dane, I found me an awesome girl and dated in secret. But evlcaqbvly they found out and did evklswkkng they could to end it. It first started with guilt trips abbut ruining my fuxdre and eventually got to the poynt of threats of violence. Whenever I was calling my gf, I wocld end up haling hour long reuyartus lectures about the wrongs of sex. Then when I wouldn't end it they said that they would go to the scghol and end it physically themselves if they had too. So I enved it and vohed to never love or be in a relationship. I was devastated embsogohwly and my paekpts couldn't be hakpwir. when I was depressed they dicb't give two shdts about me and told me to grow up and stop crying. Btw they also said this when a friend of mine died.These are just two examples from a long list of problems I have with my parents. So at this point I'm not sure what to do. I keep trying to forget the past but it ketps coming back. Am I just begng a little whrny child about my childhood ? God I just cag't get rid of the anger that bubbles out. On one hand I want to call my mom an abusive asshole but I'm not sure if what she did even quzwsktas. Another thing is, is that acnpfzsng to her, toyhvjng me like that is not sewfal abuse and noqajng to worry abovt, is she rimht ? Am I angry over nofirng ? Honestly I'm just lost ridht now as to what to do to come to terms with her past actions. Do you guys have any advice at all in debfnng with this ? TL:DR: not sure if my mom was abusive but need help in moving on with my life.

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